Who Am I?
Hi, my name is Shannon Hilscher. Author, instructional designer, and self-proclaimed introvert.
I spent the first 50 years of my life wondering, “Why is life so hard?”
How does one go from being described as shy, quiet, sweet, and kind….
…to anxious, stressed, nervous, and angry?
Well, believe it or not, that path is not uncommon for undiagnosed Autistic women.
What is Autism anyway? According to the National Institute of Mental Health, Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a neurological and developmental disorder that affects how people interact with others, communicate, learn, and behave.
In other words, Autism can make a person feel like they don’t fit in because their brain processes information differently than, quote, “normal” people—otherwise known as neurotypical people.
A Chameleon
Women often go undiagnosed as children because they are so good at masking—a fancy term for ‘covering up to fit in.’
In fact, females tend to have masking superpowers. They are so desperate to fit in, they mimic ‘acceptable’ behavior…like forcing eye contact, repressing their natural body language to match the norm, faking facial expressions, and planned scripting for upcoming conversations (you know, just in case).
Imagine the decision fatigue when deciding which “mask” to wear. And I’m not even talking about face masks like you wore during COVID; it’s a different kind.
Oh, gosh. I cannot forget to wear a mask every time I leave the house. But, how will I know if I put on the right one? Or, heaven forbid, I wear my ‘family gathering’ mask to work. What will I do? Step away and switch masks? Or, what if I wear the right mask to the grocery store, but—oh, crap—I see someone I know, and I don’t have the ‘right’ mask on? I’ll probably just avoid them.
You get the idea.
From Burnout to Diagnosis
The sad truth is, the cognitive load associated with constantly attempting to fit in, or blend in, takes its toll. Experts correlate long-term masking with exhaustion…depression…anxiety…and low self-esteem. After a while, the mask doesn’t fit. It gets stretched out. It tears.
Sometimes, the person wearing the mask collapses. This is called ‘autistic burnout.’
Oftentimes this burnout event is the catalyst for exploring a more accurate diagnosis—that is, an Autism diagnosis. Unfortunately, the trauma related to the many years of psychological exhaustion, depression, and anxiety has already left its mark, leaving behind remnants of something that just didn’t fit.
Would you believe a study in the UK found a 787% increase in ASD diagnoses between 1998 and 2018? Yes, you read correctly: 787%, with adult females accounting for the bulk of those increases.
So, why the uptick? That is a valid question.
Let me tell you; it is not because ‘everyone is autistic.’ These newly diagnosed women have always been there but were overlooked because of their masking superpowers. One study from 2020 refers to these undiagnosed women as the “lost generation,” a rather dispiriting label.
A New Perspective
But now there is hope. There is global evidence of progress in how we define neurodiversity and promote awareness. And, more research is in the works on this relatively new demographic. These are exciting times!
As someone recently diagnosed as Autistic, I am passionate and giddy with excitement regarding my future—and yours!
In 2020, I published my first book, The Unexpected Adventure That Changed My World, under my newly formed small business, Confetti Dream Publishing, LLC. The booked morphed into an allegorical tale that uses segregated color worlds to explore diversity, equity, and inclusion. After meeting someone from another color world and finding trace elements of other colors, the protagonist starts to dream in colors—magical confetti dreams that ultimately fuel his perseverance.
Magical confetti dreams fuel my perseverance, too. I dream of a world where women+ don’t feel the need to wear masks to fit in. Instead, we become a tribe of confetti dreamers who are choosing to live authentically through color. (And it’s not just for Autistics!)
I would LOVE to have you embrace the confetti dreamer in you.
What Next?
I encourage you to sign up for the confetti dreamer email list so you can receive notifications about confetti dreaming, such as:
- Alerts for new blog posts
- Opportunities to participate in my book launch
- Status updates on the Resource Hub*
* To raise awareness and promote camaraderie, I am in the process of creating a Confetti Dreamer Resource Hub with topics selected by confetti dreamers for self-exploration and self-expression. My plan is to also include shareable resources to help others in your lives acclimate to this new, colorful you.
P.S. For those of you who know me and are baffled by the fact that I’m Autistic…it’s the mask.